Fairytale
by Araedia
Summary: Ichigo and Rukia- in a mixed-up parody of a LOT of fairytales!


**This is just an insane idea that came into my head- a complete mix of most of the fairytales I could remember, featuring of course, our beloved Ichigo Kurosaki and Rukia Kuchiki!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own either Bleach or any of the fairytales featured here.**

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Once upon a time, in the faraway kingdom of Karakura, there lived a handsome prince called Ichigo Kurosaki, who was obsessed about marrying a true princess. And there also lived an evil wizard called Aizen, who was forever planning to take over Karakura.

Unfortunately for poor Aizen, one of his minions, Szayel Aporro, was experimenting with a dangerous substance called Hougyoku, and accidentally turned them all into bullfrogs. And since Szayel Aporro's wand (or zanpakuto) was named 'Fornicaras', the only way they could return to normal was by being kissed by a beautiful young woman.

Back in Karakura, Orihime Inoue, one of Ichigo's maids, was actually a princess in disguise. She couldn't help falling in love with his wonderfully orange hair and his oh-so-beautiful frown that was always stuck to his face as one by one, all his options turned out to _not_ be true princesses. So one day as she was cleaning his room, she couldn't help herself anymore and kissed the sleeping prince.

Ichigo, who had been dreaming about being kissed by a _true_ princess, was obviously not very happy to wake up and see it was just a maid. But then Orihime dropped her bombshell. She told Ichigo the truth about her being a true princess.

Ichigo immediately ordered the 'Ultimate Pea True Princess Test'. Orihime had to spend the night on stacks and stacks of mattresses, underneath which would be a single pea.

Now, even though Orihime was a true princess, she wasn't exactly a very clever true princess. So even though she was black and blue from sleeping on the pea, she was nobly bearing the pain, and didn't tell Ichigo about it. Ichigo assumed that she had been lying about being a princess, and got furious. He ordered her to be locked away in a tower, and conveniently forgot about her.

She had been left there alone for so long that her hair grew long enough to reach the ground from her window. She thought she was destined to live there for the rest of her life, and had given up hope when, one day, she felt something tugging on her hair. Suddenly, she saw a frog climbing up her hair. She felt sorry for the creature (it had so many warts, unlike her perfect skin!) and kissed it. And lo and behold, it turned into a handsome man, who as it turned out, was called Aizen.

She heard his sad tale and immediately volunteered to go and turn all his minions back into normal. After all, she too knew how much suffering not having minions and servants meant.

On their journey to his palace, Las Noches, she discovered that they had yet more in common! They both wanted to defeat Ichigo Kurosaki. Orihime was now even more eager to help, and she kissed all his ten Espada in record speed. And she told him the one sure way to get Ichigo out of the way, while he captured Karakura.

On the morning of that fateful day, Ichigo was prepared to wake up by his fanatic father Isshin's morning kick. But Isshin, who was being controlled by Szayel Aporro, landed on his head with such force that Ichigo was sent into a coma for the next hundred years, while Aizen conquered Karakura. But then Karakura's defence mechanism started up; the entire place started being covered by killer ivy and the entire staff went off to sleep. Try as he might, Aizen simply couldn't stay in Karakura. I mean, there's only so much you can do in a palace filled with snoring servants. So he abandoned it and went back to plotting ways to conquer other kingdoms.

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_Almost a hundred years later..._

Rukia was packing her things in desperate hurry. She simply _had_ to get away before her brother came back home with that _Beast_! She still could barely believe it- her brother, Byakuya Kuchiki, was considering marrying her off to that monster friend of his, Captain Komamura, just so that he could go back to his normal state before that curse was put on him!

She hurried out of Kuchiki Manor and into the forests surrounding it. It was getting so dark and she was scared and tired. Suddenly, she came across a tiny cottage in a clearing. She went into it and collapsed into the first bed she saw.

Next morning, she was amazed to see seven dwarfs surrounding her. She told them all about her sad life, and they agreed to let her stay if she helped around the house, and especially in managing the geese. She had to take the geese out every day, and not lose sight of any of them. From that day on, she came to be known as the Goose Girl among all the woodland creatures.

She soon realized that the dwarves were not innocent little creatures as she first assumed. They were a gang of thieves, and they had a magic carpet which they used to rob people. She followed them once to their so-called workplace, and it only opened with the password 'Open Sesame'.

One day, she found out their plans for robbing the palace of Soul Society during a ball given by the prince. Being a good citizen, she obviously needed to inform the prince, Abarai Renji. But the dwarves had left her all alone and she had no means of transport, so she couldn't do anything but cry sitting next to the fireplace. And lo, her fairy godfather, Juushiro Ukitate, appeared and gave her a pumpkin carriage and a beautiful dress and so she could go to the ball after all.

Once she was there, she immediately attracted the attention of the prince, who spent the entire evening dancing with her, while the other girls stared at her jealously. The prince had completely fallen in love with her for her beauty and courage in coming to warn him, and was about to propose to her, when she suddenly saw her brother coming towards her. She ran away as fast as she could, leaving one glass slipper on the stairs. But Prince Renji, being extremely clumsy, crushed the slipper while chasing after her and that was the end of _that_ romance.

While at the palace, Rukia had heard about the Sleeping Beauty, a handsome prince who was apparently put into a coma by the evil wizard Aizen. She immediately set out for Karakura, and finally reached there after cutting through all the ivy and thorns surrounding the castle (though obviously maintaining her beauty and not getting a single scratch). She had to climb up a giant beanstalk which led into the clouds to get into Ichigo's room.

She found Ichigo lying there and ran over to kiss him. When of course, Ichigo woke up, brushed the hundred year's worth of cobwebs off him and kissed her back with a passion. Suddenly, he drew back when a thought struck him. _Is she a true princess?_ He asked her, and Rukia, being a lot cleverer than Orihime, immediately began screaming about how much peas hurt. Ichigo accepted this unquestioningly, and kissed her again.

But unfortunately for the kissing couple, Aizen had anticipated this, and as soon as their lips touched for the fifth time, both of them fell back into sleep. But he neglected a tiny detail; the rest of the castle had woken up. And Ichigo's long-time friend Tatsuki Arisawa came up the stairs and dunked them both with a bucket of water. "What are you doing sleeping, Ichigo? You're supposed to be killing Aizen!" The two of them looked sheepish, and leaving the cleaning to the servants, they left to kill Aizen.

After killing Aizen, Orihime and all the Espada (there's no record about how they did this so don't ask), they both lived happily ever after.

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**As you can make out, I am NOT an Orihime Inoue fan. So people who do like her- I'm sorry, but this fic is probably not for you.**

**And I DON'T write **_**that**_** badly, I was just trying to imitate the normal 'fairytale' language.**

**A cookie to the first person who guesses all the fairytales I used in this fic! ALL of them, not only two or three!**


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